I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
