i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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