My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
