what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
