she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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