So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
