Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
