you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
