a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
