If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
