but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
