I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
