Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
