How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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