Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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