she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
