can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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