They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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