God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
