If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize