Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
