He had one of those small greek statue penises
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
