btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
