Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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