I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
