I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
