Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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