so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
