I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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