you would pick up someone in the library
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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