dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize