can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
