You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
