She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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