non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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