I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
