I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
