I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
