Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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