at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
