Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
