Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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