I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
