have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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