what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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