We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
