You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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