I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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