my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
