Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
