i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
