Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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