Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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