Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
