This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
