i permit you to call me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
