We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
