i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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