the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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