My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
