Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
