the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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