There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
