If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
