just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
