Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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